Well I have not really been keeping up with my blogging promise have I? Oh well....that's life isn't it.
I made chicken soup tonight. It was good with the NOM....
That is ALL.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Marriage...WTF?
Marriage is a social contract made between two people. It is a commitment to another person, or in some cases persons. Every culture has its own way of dictating how marriage is supposed to work. However, the actual history of marriage predates the written word itself. But in today's world, marriage is one of the biggest topics to bring up. Many questions are asked, and new questions are being formulated each day. What constitutes Marriage? When do you marry and at what age is it okay? Do interracial marriages last? And so on and so forth...There are even debates on who should and should not be able to marry. The biggest controversy is the idea of gay or same-sex marriages.
As a gay man, I should be up in arms about the legalization of gay marriage. I should have my picketing sign or rainbow flag ready and able to fly whenever duty calls. Yet, I find myself at an odd loss for passion on the subject. I am not saying I am against the idea of gay marriage, but its not a necessity, at least for me. I find that I do not need a piece of paper or my government approval to love and commit myself to another person. I DO understand the debate though. The legalization of gay marriage will give same sex couples the same rights as mixed couples. Joint taxes, insurance benefits, hospital rights, right of attorney, inheritances...the list goes on and on. All those things are a right to have, especially hospital rights in those unforeseen bad times. But I find myself indifferent to most of them.
I guess its because I know a little bit about some of the history of marriage, and I do mean little, but at least its some. Marriage first started out as a union between two people (or more in some cultures). Most marriages were "Arranged Marriages". Meaning that the bride and grooms parents planned their unions. Sometimes even before the children were born. The idea of "LOVE" having ANY part of a marriage decision didn't happen till the Romantic Period, when the rise of art and literature took its most aesthetic hold.
AND, for those people out there who believe marriage is a union between JUST a man and JUST a woman, think again. The idea of gay marriage has been around almost as long as the idea of marriage itself. There are accounts throughout Greek, Roman, Chinese, Japanese, and European history where same sex couples were recognized and legal. Or as legal as legal could be in those times. So you can't use the "marriage is between a man and a woman" thing anymore. Historically speaking anyways.
And as for the legal debates about rights and if state or federal government should decide...I think like the founding father. It should and has to be a combination of BOTH state and federal government. Federal government should stink 100% by the Declaration of Independence of the USA Or at least the first part.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
Which means that all peoples, well US citizens, should have the right to do what brings them happiness. Well, as long as that thing does not physically harm someone else.And state should do something too, I just don't know what quite yet. But I am sure there is something for them to do.
As a gay man, I should be up in arms about the legalization of gay marriage. I should have my picketing sign or rainbow flag ready and able to fly whenever duty calls. Yet, I find myself at an odd loss for passion on the subject. I am not saying I am against the idea of gay marriage, but its not a necessity, at least for me. I find that I do not need a piece of paper or my government approval to love and commit myself to another person. I DO understand the debate though. The legalization of gay marriage will give same sex couples the same rights as mixed couples. Joint taxes, insurance benefits, hospital rights, right of attorney, inheritances...the list goes on and on. All those things are a right to have, especially hospital rights in those unforeseen bad times. But I find myself indifferent to most of them.
I guess its because I know a little bit about some of the history of marriage, and I do mean little, but at least its some. Marriage first started out as a union between two people (or more in some cultures). Most marriages were "Arranged Marriages". Meaning that the bride and grooms parents planned their unions. Sometimes even before the children were born. The idea of "LOVE" having ANY part of a marriage decision didn't happen till the Romantic Period, when the rise of art and literature took its most aesthetic hold.
AND, for those people out there who believe marriage is a union between JUST a man and JUST a woman, think again. The idea of gay marriage has been around almost as long as the idea of marriage itself. There are accounts throughout Greek, Roman, Chinese, Japanese, and European history where same sex couples were recognized and legal. Or as legal as legal could be in those times. So you can't use the "marriage is between a man and a woman" thing anymore. Historically speaking anyways.
And as for the legal debates about rights and if state or federal government should decide...I think like the founding father. It should and has to be a combination of BOTH state and federal government. Federal government should stink 100% by the Declaration of Independence of the USA Or at least the first part.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
Which means that all peoples, well US citizens, should have the right to do what brings them happiness. Well, as long as that thing does not physically harm someone else.And state should do something too, I just don't know what quite yet. But I am sure there is something for them to do.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
The Abyss and the Angel
Paul stood above the creek looking down into the pitch. Up on that cliff the world seemed a hollow void. Nothing gave him comfort, nothing gave him happiness. The moisture trail on his face was still fresh from the tears that fell not but 20 minutes earlier. Thoughts of his parents filled his mind. Old happy times swirled like a maelstrom, teasing and tormenting him. Then the idea of going home to his overtaxed aunt and overbearing cousin pushed him into a screaming fit. He felt trapped in a life that no man deserved.
Paul wasn't always like this though. He once had a good life, the ordinary life of a modern teenager. He was never one of the goths, nor was he a jock. He did like baseball though. He never fit into the popular crowd, but wasn't a reject. He was just an ordinary young man. He had his crushes, and even his stash of magazines. Like I said, ordinary. Till the accident that changed his life. His family got off easy, it was quick for them. He was forced to endure comas, pain, broken bones and surgery. And the greatest crime, custody hearings to decide his fate. His fate that tied him to his new and unwanted family.
But standing there, his thoughts sped and sped till finally they blurred into a mesh of mental white noise. It was so loud. Too loud to take any longer, and as if controlled by outside forces he etched closer and closer to the edge of that cliff. Knowing in his head that his heart was too broken to fix. He planned to end it all. To jump and fade into the black of death. No longer a burden to his family, or himself. That was the only thing left.
"I would not do that if I were you."
The voice came from nowhere, but for some reason it wasn't enough to scare Paul. It was kind of warm. Paul turned to face the voice and saw a blur step from the shadows of the trees. He was dressed in jeans a tee shirt and a jacket. He was as normal as any other person in the midday rush. But he had a caring look. "Statistically speaking," he said. "A fall from this height wouldn't kill you, the painful internal bleeding would." He got as close as he could too the cliffs edge and looked over. "Whoa, nasty looking drop bubba, nasty." He turned his head and peered into Paul's eyes. For a brief moment there was silence. Then the man spoke again. "You got a lot of hurt in those eyes man. More than most men can handle, and more than most have the capacity to see." Paul was dumbfounded and speechless, yet he had a thousand million questions. He moved to speak but, "I know what you're thinking bubba. Who the hell is this nut and what gives him the right to interrupt my suicidal plans? You got a point, who am I anyways. But take a look down there." The stranger pointed down to the creek. There standing next to the creek was a ghastly looking man dressed in black, or was it a silhouette. It was like a man but not a man all at the same time, bright as day, yet blurry as twilight. "That there Paul, is DEATH, the Angel of death to be precise. Hi Max!" The man yelled out as he waved down to the shadowy figure.
Paul stepped back, freaked out by what the strange man just said. He looked down and he noticed that the figure had the angriest look on his face. Or at least it looked angry. Then Paul looked back at the man. "Oh, I am always pissing him off for some reason or another, but this reason is special. I have never pointed him out to a mortal before. Why do you look so freaked Paul. You were going to jump, so its only natural that death be there to take you. Well not till after the 5 hours of pain and swelling you'd endure first." The only word Paul could think of to say was "how?" The man took in a deep breath and leaned against a nearby tree. "Well, that's both easy and hard to explain. Its totally against the rules, what I am doing now. Revealing myself in this way. Talking to you, you seeing me. I'm supposed to exist in a plane of invisibility. Working in the background, doing only little things to sway you humans this way and that, as royally decreed that is... Paul, I'm an Angel. Your guardian angel to be exact, if you can believe that? Where are you going Paul." And Paul was off, running as fast as he could in who knows direction. "You are in SERIOUS trouble you know that Alex.?" Max said standing right beside him. "I know, but they've tried everything else."
.........TO BE CONTINUED
Paul wasn't always like this though. He once had a good life, the ordinary life of a modern teenager. He was never one of the goths, nor was he a jock. He did like baseball though. He never fit into the popular crowd, but wasn't a reject. He was just an ordinary young man. He had his crushes, and even his stash of magazines. Like I said, ordinary. Till the accident that changed his life. His family got off easy, it was quick for them. He was forced to endure comas, pain, broken bones and surgery. And the greatest crime, custody hearings to decide his fate. His fate that tied him to his new and unwanted family.
But standing there, his thoughts sped and sped till finally they blurred into a mesh of mental white noise. It was so loud. Too loud to take any longer, and as if controlled by outside forces he etched closer and closer to the edge of that cliff. Knowing in his head that his heart was too broken to fix. He planned to end it all. To jump and fade into the black of death. No longer a burden to his family, or himself. That was the only thing left.
"I would not do that if I were you."
The voice came from nowhere, but for some reason it wasn't enough to scare Paul. It was kind of warm. Paul turned to face the voice and saw a blur step from the shadows of the trees. He was dressed in jeans a tee shirt and a jacket. He was as normal as any other person in the midday rush. But he had a caring look. "Statistically speaking," he said. "A fall from this height wouldn't kill you, the painful internal bleeding would." He got as close as he could too the cliffs edge and looked over. "Whoa, nasty looking drop bubba, nasty." He turned his head and peered into Paul's eyes. For a brief moment there was silence. Then the man spoke again. "You got a lot of hurt in those eyes man. More than most men can handle, and more than most have the capacity to see." Paul was dumbfounded and speechless, yet he had a thousand million questions. He moved to speak but, "I know what you're thinking bubba. Who the hell is this nut and what gives him the right to interrupt my suicidal plans? You got a point, who am I anyways. But take a look down there." The stranger pointed down to the creek. There standing next to the creek was a ghastly looking man dressed in black, or was it a silhouette. It was like a man but not a man all at the same time, bright as day, yet blurry as twilight. "That there Paul, is DEATH, the Angel of death to be precise. Hi Max!" The man yelled out as he waved down to the shadowy figure.
Paul stepped back, freaked out by what the strange man just said. He looked down and he noticed that the figure had the angriest look on his face. Or at least it looked angry. Then Paul looked back at the man. "Oh, I am always pissing him off for some reason or another, but this reason is special. I have never pointed him out to a mortal before. Why do you look so freaked Paul. You were going to jump, so its only natural that death be there to take you. Well not till after the 5 hours of pain and swelling you'd endure first." The only word Paul could think of to say was "how?" The man took in a deep breath and leaned against a nearby tree. "Well, that's both easy and hard to explain. Its totally against the rules, what I am doing now. Revealing myself in this way. Talking to you, you seeing me. I'm supposed to exist in a plane of invisibility. Working in the background, doing only little things to sway you humans this way and that, as royally decreed that is... Paul, I'm an Angel. Your guardian angel to be exact, if you can believe that? Where are you going Paul." And Paul was off, running as fast as he could in who knows direction. "You are in SERIOUS trouble you know that Alex.?" Max said standing right beside him. "I know, but they've tried everything else."
.........TO BE CONTINUED
Saturday, December 31, 2011
New year = New Life in the making
It is officially a new year ladies and gentlemen. And with a new year comes hordes of New Years Resolutions, and here's mine. Create a better more functional me complete with proper medication when needed, and possible talk therapy that will actually work. Okay, it does seem a bit grim sounding for those of you who don't "know me," but I do need these things. Hopefully not forever, but as long as I need them I will strive to attain them.
My life at this moment is complicated and yet simple at the same time. I have no "home" to call my own as of yet. I am living with a group of the most remarkably abnormal people I have ever met, and I mean that in the BEST possible sense.
First there is Eric, my loving boyfriend of one year (Oct 2, 2010). Queer in his own rights and a bit hot headed at times, I love him all the same. No matter what quirks I disagree with, and he knows the ones I am talking about...you naughty monkey.
Second, there is April. One of the wisest women I have ever met. She has this saying "that a cookie is sometimes just a cookie." For those of you who know the matrix you can grasp the meaning. For those who don't, too bad for you.
Then, or third, if you are keeping score, there is Jon (hope I spell that right). Quirkiest person alive, a living chaotic storm wrapped in this net of total calm and composure.
There is not a day that I don't have a confused or dumbfounded look on my face around these people.
OKAY, so down to the awesome. I plan to write at least once a day on this blog. Either I will write about the day I had or the people that piss me off. And YES there is a plethora of people out there that piss me off on a daily basis. Either by sheer stupidity, or by nit picking about inane meaningless crap and consumerism. Or I will try to wrote a short story that I compiled into this torrent that is my head.
Here is where YOU come in... I will need to you tell your friends to tell there friends friends to follow and read what I write and comment on it. I need more people to be interested in what I have to say, at least enough to debate me or say "right on." And yes this is for a bit of self validation, at least on a web level, LOL. And everyone needs a bit of validation, even the strongest willed person. Especially FAMILY, newly rediscovered family at that too.
So here is too a great new year to family, friends, and friends not met yet. May you be blessed with enough of all you need
My life at this moment is complicated and yet simple at the same time. I have no "home" to call my own as of yet. I am living with a group of the most remarkably abnormal people I have ever met, and I mean that in the BEST possible sense.
First there is Eric, my loving boyfriend of one year (Oct 2, 2010). Queer in his own rights and a bit hot headed at times, I love him all the same. No matter what quirks I disagree with, and he knows the ones I am talking about...you naughty monkey.
Second, there is April. One of the wisest women I have ever met. She has this saying "that a cookie is sometimes just a cookie." For those of you who know the matrix you can grasp the meaning. For those who don't, too bad for you.
Then, or third, if you are keeping score, there is Jon (hope I spell that right). Quirkiest person alive, a living chaotic storm wrapped in this net of total calm and composure.
There is not a day that I don't have a confused or dumbfounded look on my face around these people.
OKAY, so down to the awesome. I plan to write at least once a day on this blog. Either I will write about the day I had or the people that piss me off. And YES there is a plethora of people out there that piss me off on a daily basis. Either by sheer stupidity, or by nit picking about inane meaningless crap and consumerism. Or I will try to wrote a short story that I compiled into this torrent that is my head.
Here is where YOU come in... I will need to you tell your friends to tell there friends friends to follow and read what I write and comment on it. I need more people to be interested in what I have to say, at least enough to debate me or say "right on." And yes this is for a bit of self validation, at least on a web level, LOL. And everyone needs a bit of validation, even the strongest willed person. Especially FAMILY, newly rediscovered family at that too.
So here is too a great new year to family, friends, and friends not met yet. May you be blessed with enough of all you need
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
WALMART PEOPLE >:( of DOOM
Okay, Wal-Mart customers are EVIL...or at the very least, they are in need of a nappy-time. I have never seen so many uptight, overly pampered, spoiled, scavengers in my LIFE.
I am poor, well...I am in the poverty bracket. I understand that money is tight, and you wanna save a few bucks on the things you need. There is however a point when you become an unstoppable Juggernaut of GIMME GIMME GIMME goons. All you want is more, and there is a limit and a thing called moderation.
Let me give you an example..
Mrs.Thang finishes her shopping and decides it is time to head home. As she is standing in line getting items scanned, she notices that an item is priced differently than she thought. "I thought that was $3.88," she inquired of the cashier. Upon an item inquiry the cashier informs her that the item is not listed at that price nor does it have a mark down sticker. Mrs.Thang does not like the fact that she was questioned and denied. "But IT WAS ON THE CLEARANCE RACK...right over there..." she bellows. The cashier silently sighs, "Ma'am, can you show me where." As they reach the clearance items the cashier notices that no other item of that type is in that section. He even has an associate working that area check the coding on the item. It was found that the item was in fact, NOT on clearance. "WELL it WAS ON THE THE CLEARANCE RACK, AND IF THIS WAS K-MART THEY WOULD OF JUST DID THE PRICE I ASKED FOR." She argued her case to the best of her abilities. The cashier and the associate explained. Items are sometimes left in the wrong place by other customers who decide not to purchase that item. Just because the item was placed in this area, does not mean it belongs in that area. Mrs. Thang, she did not like the fact that she was being educated by lowly associates. "Well, K-mart would do it, I guess I won't get it then...
I would finish, but its just the end of the check out...bottom line..The associate know 100x more than you, DON'T ARGUE. My policy, "The Customers Alway THINK They Are Right" that's why I take my time to look at the item I am getting and get the actual price. Its not hard, just ask someone. And if an associate tells me NO, I accept it. Sometimes things just can't be done. It sucks, I know it does, but boundaries are needed.
Another thing people, Its called the express lane for a REASON. The 20 items or less policy, its not a challenge, its a limit. In all actuality, the Express Lane is for people with maybe 4 or 5 items at most. But people come through with 19 or 20 items because the register is RIGHT THERE. Well your 20 items is holding up the person with 2 items. ASSHOLE..
And another thing, know what you are doing when you get to the register, DO NOT be digging through your purse for a penny or loose change. Have your card, check, or bills out and ready. That's why they are the EXPRESS LANES...MORONS. Grandma standing there, “Oh, I know I have the nickle...If I can find that nickle in all this stuff I won't get change back, just bills...hehe” MOVE IT GRANNY
And if you don't want something, PUT IT BACK WHERE IT GOES. I know it is easier to just drop an item anywhere, or hand it to the cashier, I have done it too. But it is a giant hassle for the cashier. Put it back where you got it and everyone will be happy. You have burned a few extra calories, and the cashier will have one less thing to worry about.
I am poor, well...I am in the poverty bracket. I understand that money is tight, and you wanna save a few bucks on the things you need. There is however a point when you become an unstoppable Juggernaut of GIMME GIMME GIMME goons. All you want is more, and there is a limit and a thing called moderation.
Let me give you an example..
Mrs.Thang finishes her shopping and decides it is time to head home. As she is standing in line getting items scanned, she notices that an item is priced differently than she thought. "I thought that was $3.88," she inquired of the cashier. Upon an item inquiry the cashier informs her that the item is not listed at that price nor does it have a mark down sticker. Mrs.Thang does not like the fact that she was questioned and denied. "But IT WAS ON THE CLEARANCE RACK...right over there..." she bellows. The cashier silently sighs, "Ma'am, can you show me where." As they reach the clearance items the cashier notices that no other item of that type is in that section. He even has an associate working that area check the coding on the item. It was found that the item was in fact, NOT on clearance. "WELL it WAS ON THE THE CLEARANCE RACK, AND IF THIS WAS K-MART THEY WOULD OF JUST DID THE PRICE I ASKED FOR." She argued her case to the best of her abilities. The cashier and the associate explained. Items are sometimes left in the wrong place by other customers who decide not to purchase that item. Just because the item was placed in this area, does not mean it belongs in that area. Mrs. Thang, she did not like the fact that she was being educated by lowly associates. "Well, K-mart would do it, I guess I won't get it then...
I would finish, but its just the end of the check out...bottom line..The associate know 100x more than you, DON'T ARGUE. My policy, "The Customers Alway THINK They Are Right" that's why I take my time to look at the item I am getting and get the actual price. Its not hard, just ask someone. And if an associate tells me NO, I accept it. Sometimes things just can't be done. It sucks, I know it does, but boundaries are needed.
Another thing people, Its called the express lane for a REASON. The 20 items or less policy, its not a challenge, its a limit. In all actuality, the Express Lane is for people with maybe 4 or 5 items at most. But people come through with 19 or 20 items because the register is RIGHT THERE. Well your 20 items is holding up the person with 2 items. ASSHOLE..
And another thing, know what you are doing when you get to the register, DO NOT be digging through your purse for a penny or loose change. Have your card, check, or bills out and ready. That's why they are the EXPRESS LANES...MORONS. Grandma standing there, “Oh, I know I have the nickle...If I can find that nickle in all this stuff I won't get change back, just bills...hehe” MOVE IT GRANNY
And if you don't want something, PUT IT BACK WHERE IT GOES. I know it is easier to just drop an item anywhere, or hand it to the cashier, I have done it too. But it is a giant hassle for the cashier. Put it back where you got it and everyone will be happy. You have burned a few extra calories, and the cashier will have one less thing to worry about.
But whats even worse than all the customers, its the manager who placate to these idiots. Look, I do my job fairly well, If I ask for a price check on a price dispute. DO NOT JUST TELL ME TO GIVE THEM THE PRICE...that makes me look like an idiot and I want nothing more than to shove the item down your throat....I have a method to my madness that is HONEST BUSINESS...When I call for a price check I want someone to check the area to see if there is any misplaced signage. Also to check to see if the area needs to be cleaned or re-organized. Or to make sure that the associates working in that area are made aware of the possible missed clearance items.
EXAMPLE...A woman came to me the other day and said that there was a sign that priced an item one price, and another sign for exact same item for a totally different price. I did check myself and there was indeed two signs for the exact item at different prices. Well, on my way back my manager met me and asked why I was away from the register and why I did not call for a price check. I gave him the situation and he said to give the lady the lower price. I was fine with that, but I asked who I needed to call to get the right pricing in the area. He brushed off my question and said, (not direct quote) “Just give the lady the lower price,” and he walked away. I felt like a total idiot. There I was trying to fix a mistake that could cause trouble in the future for not only other cashiers but produce as well, and I was basically told to fuck off.
Its for that reason ALONE...that I do not try to go above and beyond my job description. I get brushed off and tossed to the side as just an ignorant “associate.”
Well enough ranting about my job. May your days give you enough....Till next time.
IT'S BEEN A MINUTE.....
I don't really have the highest list of readers. You can check for yourself, not too many people follow my postings. However, for the faithful few, I have returned. And yes, I have updates.
Homeless Crisis...AVERTED...I found a cute little place rooming with a straight couple. Her name is Alisha, and his name is Eric. Yes yes I know, I have collected another Eric to go along with my namesake. Anyways, Alisha is a bubbly brunette vegitarian. And I do mean BUBBLY. and Eric (called Esquire by April because well my Eric is Eric1, I am Eric2, and the new Eric is #3, and she is tired of counting so he is now Esquire). If you know April in real life, it makes perfect sense and is brilliant.
Job crisis.....in flux..I HAVE FOUND A JOB..I am now a cashier at WAL~MART working part-time...YES part-time. I have requested more hours and a bump to full-time asap. I make enough money to cover my expenses at least. Rent, Food, Phone, Utilities...they are covered. I just don't and won't have money for personal things that I want. Not the biggest problem in the world, so I am not burdened by frills. At least I have a roof over my head, and food in my belly. I can make due.
So for all of you who were wondering....I am doing better. NOT WONDERFUL, but not dreadful either. Well readers, I will clothes this blog for now. May your days give you enough. Till next time.
Homeless Crisis...AVERTED...I found a cute little place rooming with a straight couple. Her name is Alisha, and his name is Eric. Yes yes I know, I have collected another Eric to go along with my namesake. Anyways, Alisha is a bubbly brunette vegitarian. And I do mean BUBBLY. and Eric (called Esquire by April because well my Eric is Eric1, I am Eric2, and the new Eric is #3, and she is tired of counting so he is now Esquire). If you know April in real life, it makes perfect sense and is brilliant.
Job crisis.....in flux..I HAVE FOUND A JOB..I am now a cashier at WAL~MART working part-time...YES part-time. I have requested more hours and a bump to full-time asap. I make enough money to cover my expenses at least. Rent, Food, Phone, Utilities...they are covered. I just don't and won't have money for personal things that I want. Not the biggest problem in the world, so I am not burdened by frills. At least I have a roof over my head, and food in my belly. I can make due.
So for all of you who were wondering....I am doing better. NOT WONDERFUL, but not dreadful either. Well readers, I will clothes this blog for now. May your days give you enough. Till next time.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Bottom of the Heap
It has happened! I have finally hit rock bottom, and there is no where left to go. I don't see a way up and out of my situation and I am afraid there is NO help out there for me.
I always thought I was a smart individual, capable of handling anything that presented itself to me. I guess I was wrong, SO WRONG. I look at my current situation and I feel like such a failure. I have no job, no money, I am about to lose my home. There is nothing I can do about it. I have no one to turn to for help. I mean I can try state assistance but I doubt they would be able to help me. I can't ask either of my parents for assistance, neither of them are able to help. I don't even have friends who I can turn to. I am just DOOMED.
The worse part about this isn't the fact that I am going to be homeless. I can get over that bit of trauma, or at least I hope I can. It's the fact that I tried to better myself, to become something MORE. Yet despite my efforts I am going down like the Titanic. I mean I was making awesome grades in college A's in all my math classes, only a couple B's. I mean I was doing really good. After looking at my school transcripts, I can tell you, I didn't make the best grades in high school. I mean I had a C average. I thought I did better than that. And now to end up at this point. It hurts deeper than anything I have ever felt.
Bobby isn't really taking the situation well. My main priority right now should be to me, but we have been friends and roomies for 5 years, I can't help but worry a little. Then there is Dylan. Poor thing just got to Austin.
The option I might have look even more bleak than homelessness.
1. I could move back to Mississippi and live with my Mom. Yeah that's a great scenario. She lives outside the Forest City limits. It takes 10-15 minutes by car just to get to a gas. There is NO public transit system, and I have no car and no drivers license. I would have to totally rely on her for all my transportation needs. She wouldn't want to do that again. Especially if I got a job working inconvenient hours. So the option really isn't an option.
2. I can try to see if Dad and Robin would take me in. Only thing is they JUST bought a house and getting there would be extremely hard. Plus I have no clue what the economical climate is in Ohio, I could be going into a worse job market. I don't even know if there is a public transit system available or not. I would be totally reliant on them for transportation, if they could spare it.
I have tried asking April and Eric if I could move in, but that situation would be totally ill advised, and we all know it. My only option is just to give up on everything and let things unfold. There are dozens of unknowns out there. I could be fine and find a job tomorrow. I could just end up homeless walking the streets for the rest of my life. I could be killed the first week out there homeless. I could snap and go crazy and try and kill myself. Those are all variables. Right now I just don't know what to do.
I always thought I was a smart individual, capable of handling anything that presented itself to me. I guess I was wrong, SO WRONG. I look at my current situation and I feel like such a failure. I have no job, no money, I am about to lose my home. There is nothing I can do about it. I have no one to turn to for help. I mean I can try state assistance but I doubt they would be able to help me. I can't ask either of my parents for assistance, neither of them are able to help. I don't even have friends who I can turn to. I am just DOOMED.
The worse part about this isn't the fact that I am going to be homeless. I can get over that bit of trauma, or at least I hope I can. It's the fact that I tried to better myself, to become something MORE. Yet despite my efforts I am going down like the Titanic. I mean I was making awesome grades in college A's in all my math classes, only a couple B's. I mean I was doing really good. After looking at my school transcripts, I can tell you, I didn't make the best grades in high school. I mean I had a C average. I thought I did better than that. And now to end up at this point. It hurts deeper than anything I have ever felt.
Bobby isn't really taking the situation well. My main priority right now should be to me, but we have been friends and roomies for 5 years, I can't help but worry a little. Then there is Dylan. Poor thing just got to Austin.
The option I might have look even more bleak than homelessness.
1. I could move back to Mississippi and live with my Mom. Yeah that's a great scenario. She lives outside the Forest City limits. It takes 10-15 minutes by car just to get to a gas. There is NO public transit system, and I have no car and no drivers license. I would have to totally rely on her for all my transportation needs. She wouldn't want to do that again. Especially if I got a job working inconvenient hours. So the option really isn't an option.
2. I can try to see if Dad and Robin would take me in. Only thing is they JUST bought a house and getting there would be extremely hard. Plus I have no clue what the economical climate is in Ohio, I could be going into a worse job market. I don't even know if there is a public transit system available or not. I would be totally reliant on them for transportation, if they could spare it.
I have tried asking April and Eric if I could move in, but that situation would be totally ill advised, and we all know it. My only option is just to give up on everything and let things unfold. There are dozens of unknowns out there. I could be fine and find a job tomorrow. I could just end up homeless walking the streets for the rest of my life. I could be killed the first week out there homeless. I could snap and go crazy and try and kill myself. Those are all variables. Right now I just don't know what to do.
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