I like to reminisce about things that have happened to me over my life. Some of it was good and some of it was bad. You know the ups and downs of life. You know the things that we all go through, but there are somethings that I wish I could do over, and there are some things that I should of said but didn't. It's not really full blown regret, because my inaction was fated i guess. But I can't help wondering what life would of been like if I took another road. I know its a waste of time wishing you can take something back, or go back in time and fix a wrong. Its just not possible, things happen for the reason they happen. I know I am not alone in this, everyone wonders and wishes. If I could go back in time and properly set things right, I would. I would tell people how much I cared for them. I have a lot of friends and family that needed it.
I know I am not responsible for the actions of others. People are free to live however they choose. Most of the people I know have turned out alright. Though there could of been good times we just did not have. There were plenty of people in school for instance that I could of known better, should of known better. Good people who I could of helped, or who could of helped me. Now it seems silly, and I ask myself "why didn't I say hi or something?" It's just something I wonder.
Then there are those people who thought down on me. Whispers and he said she said stuff that could of been handled if I was a little braver. There was a lot of talk about me being gay. Well, I am, so what. It's who I am. I think the only reason most people get gruff about the subject is because those people who are, aren't strong enough to admit it. Now lets not make this about some sappy gay coming out story, it goes deeper than that. And don't start on anti-gay stuff either. Its not worth the internet space. Just read the Blog and learn okay.
Then there is my family. Yes if you keep up with my blog you know how I feel about my parents, but this is about my siblings, not my parents, namely Brian. I was a DICK to him, OMG. But that was because I was jealous of him. He was outgoing and made friends easily. Popular with people, even more then me with my own friends. He was everything I am not. No I am not saying that I wanted to be him, so get that out of your head. Its just that things seemed better for him. At least they seemed that way when we lived with mom. I have no clue how his life has been since then. Which is a TOTAL regret.
Then there are my other siblings. Kayla, Kendra, Jody, and Cody. I have missed their lives. If it wasn't for facebook, hell, I wouldn't even know how to talk to some of them. Now they are grown up. In college, in relationships, growing up, and I missed it. I am only a brother by blood, there is no emotional connection. Then come to find out, one of my brothers, Jody or Cody, is having life problems. I heard things about drugs or something like that. I know what drugs can do. I saw my friend Josh R crumble from meth (in the past now), he is better.
No, I can't go back in time and fix things, wish I could, but can't. I just have to hope things will work out and pray things will look brighter tomorrow.
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